Best watch your shit, asshole!

I have my brother Darrell's truck today, so you spodestrians best watch your shit and get out of the way. Running over assholes may not be very Christian, but they didn't have large vehicles back in Jebus's day, so there's really no set precedent.

All I need is chickens

We got the bees in yesterday, which will definitely help my expanded garden.
6 big beef tomatoes
8 roma tomatoes
3 cherry tomatoes
40 green beens
3 cukes
2 red bell peppers
and the kicker:
over 200 hot peppers.

If I catch that grey cat getting into my garden again, it's going to be an ex-cat. If you have a pet, keep it in your own fucking yard. If an animal gets into my yard, it's mine to deal with, by any means I choose.

SOMEONE PLEASE NUKE INDIANA

Driving in the rain in Louisville is bad enough because people think it'll hurt their car, but add hoosier driver to rainy conditions and you wish you traveled by helicopter.

If I had more time I would describe in full detail what happened, but for those few who know my driving habits, in order this is what tried to jump out in front of me: Black BMW with Ohio State sticker in the window. He almost got to taste Camry out of pure spite and loathing.

BMW with an Ohio State sticker. I bet the sonovabitch even votes republican (sorry ted).


I almost got into a wreck going over the bridge. I almost got into a wreck at the bottom as I came off the bridge. I almost got into a wreck trying to park. I almost got into a wreck trying to get BACK to the bridge.

It didn't help that our food was late, and we got the ugly waitress. Again.


Whoever said that "pigeons fly upside down over Indiana because tain't nothin' worth shitin' on" was correct.

You know why Kentucky doesn't fall into Tennessee? Because Indiana sucks.

You know why Hoosiers don't eat M&M's? Too hard to peel.

A hoosier hated Kentucky so he threw a stick of dynamite accross the Ohio River. A Louisvillian lit it and threw it back.

A Hoosier asked a Kentuckian to help them with a puzzle of a rooster where all the pieces looked alike. When the Kentuckian went over to the Hoosier's house, he discovered that the Hoosier had dumped a box of Cornflakes on the table.

Do you know what the best thing to come out of Indiana is? I-65.

Do you know why Indianapolis is in the middle of Indiana? No other state wanted it.



Please, oh please Edward Teller, help me!

B.S.

Some stupid idiots in the street really pissed me off yesterday, and I was writing about it when something happened at work and kind of put shit in perspective, so sorry for not posting for a while.

I lengthened the garden again, so now it's about 30x12. I'm going to plant the shit out of peppers and roma tomatoes for salsa (that I'm not going to let Shawn cook the hamburgers in).

NEW RULE

Dear people who want to be hipsters and have almost no vocabulary:
If you don't speak German, you can't use ueber. Ever.
I was at Borders the other day and saw a Thesaurus for $2.95.

"On Steroids" is starting to get on my nerves too.

In conversation is one thing, but to write it down? In a newspaper?
Congratulations. You just showed the reading public that you can't write. I put you right up there with the likes of the sports, ahem, reporters that refer to athletes as products.

Kill the language on your own time, not on mine.

sincerely,
Mr. Hand

If you make it a two-fer, yer gonna get hurt.

It's drizzling out currently, and on my way into work, there was an accident that was holding up traffic. The usual go-ten-feet-and-stop routine, which lead to actuall continual driving at a slower speed that increased over time, but the cars are still pretty close together.
We got up to a pretty good clip when right in front of me, a green Honda Accord cuts me off, apparently after cutting off the 18 wheeler loaded with tree trunks next to me.
The son of a bitch then immediately puts on his brakes so he doesn't hit the car in front of him.
At this point our vehicles are about three feet apart at 45 mph.

I had my mind made up that if we had hit, I was just going to keep on going and push his ass into the middle lane where all the big trucks were.

Tain't much going on

I cut my finger instaling a metal flap on the stove at the PBR.

Almost purposefully hit a spodestrian (you're welcome, cousin Luke- use at will).

Diagnosed an overheating problem on the car of a young lady at work.

Cleaned up a little for the Yooj coming to town tomorrow.

I have Theory of a Dead Man and Katie Perry fighting to become the supreme ear virus in my head.

I meant the thing about the teddy bear, well, Ted.

Gotta get this knife holder:

I love lazy fishing

Friday night I caught a channel cat using a treb and chicken livers. It was very hard to catch. What you have to do is bait and cast your line, then the pole in the rod holder and go up to the cabin to drink beer and watch the movie, The Big Labowski.

In the morning, there will be a fish on your line, and it looks like this:

gone fishing

Tomorrow and Saturday I'll be at the lake with cousin luke visiting John's lures.

I messages will be listened to when left on the phone.

Ah- Springtime

Springtime is when you don't have to have a raging fire on the back porch and then freeze as you pee in the yard.

God bless beer and good friends. One of which I have.

OW, FUCKITY-FUCKITY-FUCK-FUCK THAT HURT!

cut my finger with the hatchet last night while splitting shakes in the basement and now have a splint and a bandage on my finger.
No stitches, just a bit of blood.

I only had two beers.

I thought I typed like shit before.

kaboom!

I'm up here in Indy, and we picked up Cousin Luke's son's car. We at at Cheeseburger in Paradise for lunch and then got the car. We went to Crackers to watch some good comedy.
We had fun, and during the main event (after I cheezed of plenty of times) the main comic Tammy Pescatelli asked someone what the problem was, an a young lady at the table next to me said "Someone shit their pants."
She said "I smell it too!" and then went into a rant about smelling farts.

I stopped a comedy show and redirected the comedy.

I love me.

Time doth disapear

My older brother Darrell has a birthday Friday. If you want, e-mail or call him and let him know how happy you are that our parents were drunk one night in June 1970 that culminated in the bundle of whatever in March 38 years ago.

Like him or hate him, he does have a big truck, so he's somewhat useful.

hahahahaha

It's March 2nd, Damnit!

I was on the phone to the Yooj to make sure all is well in his homestead, as snow has a way of making trees take out power lines.

He and the fam are groovy, but while talking with him, I came off with this gem:

"It's March. There's snow in the Carolinas, and it's 17 defuckinggrees here. I'm driving up to Puxatawny, yanking Phil out of his hole, and kicking him in his furry little asshole."

My pepper seeds are starting to sprout on the dining room table, the fishing poles are on sale at K-mart, and I'm tired of hunkering down inside. I need spring.

These are called Peter Peppers. Cousin Luke and I got some seeds and plan on planting some of these in a flower pot in a prominent area of the local establishment of higher learning.

soon to be abuzz

Cousin Luke played hookey from work and was over at the house while it was warm out. He phoned and told me that the bees were coming out of the top and the bottom. Since the ones using the lower entrance were juveniles, it appears that they have over-wintered well.

If wondering what the significance of that is, remember that Ky loses about 30% of it's hives a year.

The super will go on in about a week, and then let the girls get to work. Hoeffenlich we'll get a fair amount of honey. Maybe we can keep the Yooj from sneezing his butt off when he's in the Ville.

This picture is not mine. I found it when I googled "honey super." this is what the frames look like.

I guess I'll build an igloo

I'm sick and tired of winter.

There is too much shit to get done to have to wait another month.

Four days left in February, then we get into the rainy season.

Why the hell are Cousin Luke's broccoli seeds already sprouting?

And I said STAY OUT

Don't illegally park where I work.
It's raining.
I have paper dots.

Boy do they stick.

I had a bad day yesterday, and today ain't lookin' too hot.
I told the floor staff that if someone came in complaining about that which I did, then come get me and stand back.

I love me.
Repeatedly

not much happening

Split, stacked and burned wood this weekend.

Planted pepper seeds yesterday.

Waiting for spring.

Where'd the cartilage go?

Cousin Luke and I cut wood and drug brush most of the weekend since we had good weather and they're starting to pick up ice damaged limbs today.



I woke up this morning and didn't want to move. Well, I wanted to move but couldn't muster the gumption through the pain.

After about twenty-five minutes in the shower my back started to feel better, and my knees stopped hurting. However, I have so many bruises that I thought I had broken a law in Singapore. That, and my arms are scratched up to where it looks like I tried to put a cat in a toilet (if you haven't tried that, hold a cat over the toilet and flush the crapper- make sure you're insured first).



Well, it wasn't all bad. CL and I drove to the U-boat to check for damage and found none. Beer was cold, and the water was up, so we got the worms out of the fridge and wetted a line. We said hi to the Yooj's lures and soaked up some sun.



My brother Darrel called last night and asked what the chance of feugo was at the PBR.

I told him none, and that I wasn't getting out of the chair for about an hour.



All-in-all not a bad day.

We've another 28 days of this

Then the month of 40-50 deg and rainy, then a week of spring and right on into summer.

Gotta love the 'Ville.