This Saturday begins Derby week. This means an influx of people wanting to party, which is fine. Other places have bigger/longer parties. Take New Orleans for instance. They had a pool party that lasted for about a month!

The difficulty arises from the standpoint that these ding-dongs believe they can just drive into town and make their ways through the maze of one-way streets and Derby road closings based upon Mapsco that hasn't updated their database since Al Gore invented the internet. This also means that speed limits will be strictly followed by gawkers that believe that since Churchill Downs is only ten blocks away, they should take their time and enjoy the view.
You know what they view? All the other FIFOS in minivans taking the same route at the same speed. All they need is a gdamn marching band and they could call it "Retards on Parade."

It's nice that people get to take time off from work in order to enjoy an annual event that involves short people riding large animals. Hell, it reminds of prom night. But remember that the rest of us have to work and get to places on a schedule, and all cars since 1910 have gas pedals on the right, and that pack man is a video game, so quit trying to eat the dots as you go down the road. If Henry Ford handed you your first set of car keys, our roads ain't where you need to be.
And above all, remember that if you sit at a light after it has turned green, the protocol for the car behind you is honk, bump, push. Paint is paint, and you're in the way. My car has right of way, because I know where I'm going, I know where my car will fit, and I know how fast it will go. My lane is down the middle, and I've been known to cut off cops in traffic.
Ask John- he'll agree.

Driving is an activity, not a passivity. Welcome to Louisville. Get off the Road.

My car is equipped with a reverse gear specifically for backing over an idividual I have driven over two seconds previously in order to finish him off. Sure, it kills the style points, but that is made up for in pure enjoyment. There is a penalty for walking against the light. I call them pedeadstrians.

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