SOMEONE PLEASE NUKE INDIANA

Driving in the rain in Louisville is bad enough because people think it'll hurt their car, but add hoosier driver to rainy conditions and you wish you traveled by helicopter.

If I had more time I would describe in full detail what happened, but for those few who know my driving habits, in order this is what tried to jump out in front of me: Black BMW with Ohio State sticker in the window. He almost got to taste Camry out of pure spite and loathing.

BMW with an Ohio State sticker. I bet the sonovabitch even votes republican (sorry ted).


I almost got into a wreck going over the bridge. I almost got into a wreck at the bottom as I came off the bridge. I almost got into a wreck trying to park. I almost got into a wreck trying to get BACK to the bridge.

It didn't help that our food was late, and we got the ugly waitress. Again.


Whoever said that "pigeons fly upside down over Indiana because tain't nothin' worth shitin' on" was correct.

You know why Kentucky doesn't fall into Tennessee? Because Indiana sucks.

You know why Hoosiers don't eat M&M's? Too hard to peel.

A hoosier hated Kentucky so he threw a stick of dynamite accross the Ohio River. A Louisvillian lit it and threw it back.

A Hoosier asked a Kentuckian to help them with a puzzle of a rooster where all the pieces looked alike. When the Kentuckian went over to the Hoosier's house, he discovered that the Hoosier had dumped a box of Cornflakes on the table.

Do you know what the best thing to come out of Indiana is? I-65.

Do you know why Indianapolis is in the middle of Indiana? No other state wanted it.



Please, oh please Edward Teller, help me!

B.S.

Some stupid idiots in the street really pissed me off yesterday, and I was writing about it when something happened at work and kind of put shit in perspective, so sorry for not posting for a while.

I lengthened the garden again, so now it's about 30x12. I'm going to plant the shit out of peppers and roma tomatoes for salsa (that I'm not going to let Shawn cook the hamburgers in).

NEW RULE

Dear people who want to be hipsters and have almost no vocabulary:
If you don't speak German, you can't use ueber. Ever.
I was at Borders the other day and saw a Thesaurus for $2.95.

"On Steroids" is starting to get on my nerves too.

In conversation is one thing, but to write it down? In a newspaper?
Congratulations. You just showed the reading public that you can't write. I put you right up there with the likes of the sports, ahem, reporters that refer to athletes as products.

Kill the language on your own time, not on mine.

sincerely,
Mr. Hand

If you make it a two-fer, yer gonna get hurt.

It's drizzling out currently, and on my way into work, there was an accident that was holding up traffic. The usual go-ten-feet-and-stop routine, which lead to actuall continual driving at a slower speed that increased over time, but the cars are still pretty close together.
We got up to a pretty good clip when right in front of me, a green Honda Accord cuts me off, apparently after cutting off the 18 wheeler loaded with tree trunks next to me.
The son of a bitch then immediately puts on his brakes so he doesn't hit the car in front of him.
At this point our vehicles are about three feet apart at 45 mph.

I had my mind made up that if we had hit, I was just going to keep on going and push his ass into the middle lane where all the big trucks were.