Feb 7, 2010

They gave it to them.

I honestly, honestly am tired of New Orleans. That fucking sewer has done nothing but take from this country for the last five years, and now I'm told that I should want them to win the super bowl because of Katrina?
Fuck you, New Orleans and the tear truck you rode in on. Fuck you too Indianapolis- never ask a Hoosier to do a man's job.
I realize my Steelers couldn't beat the school for the blind this year, but I think I'm finally over the super bowl being a big deal. From now on unless Pittsburgh or Notre Dame is playing in the Superbowl, I'm in it for the commercials (which pretty well sucked this year).
I have an idea. Go live somewhere that's above sea level

Feb 3, 2010

The Smack Heard Round the Bowling Alley

Cousin Luke and I were staying true to our Labowski mentality this past Sunday when we said, "Fuck it- let's go bowling."

This past FILBG Sunday Lukes son, the Groundskeeper joined us in order that we could have one more person to make fun of as we knocked back some cold ones and missed the headpin. The first game was going well for Luke and I, but the groundskeeper couldn't buy a closed frame. When he finally got a strike, Luke high-fived him. Since I was standing next to Luke, I put my hand up and told the GK to "put 'er there." He gave my outstretched hand a hearty hit, but with his continued motion, after the five he proceeded to smack the living shit out of his pop.

I'm talking a good, old-fashioned leave a red whelp on the cheek smack. It was a beautiful hit that couldn't have been done better by a trailer trash mom in a Walmart.

I must've laughed for five minutes straight. I laughed so hard that people at the other end of the bowling alley looked to see who the fuck was making all the noise. Every time I looked at Luke holding his cheek I lost my shit. He got brat-slapped by his only child, and he couldn't do a fucking thing about it.

I laughed all the way up to and through throwing my next ball. I got a strike and put my hand up in front of Luke's face for the GK to high five, and Luke dead panned, "I'll kick you in the dick."

So much for brotherly love, but I'm still laughing.