I don't know if it's the broccoli or the beer, but my shit's as green as a mossy forest floor

I don't really have too much time to post right now, but I didn't want to leave everyone hanging, so here are two jokes that I heard today:

What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic?
About half-way.

Do you know the only part of the vegetable you can't eat?
The wheelchair.