I haven't ranted in a while, but here lately as I've been getting busier and my fuse dwindles, I've made a few observations to which I'm sure I'll get plenty of support.
1) If you have a hoosier license plate, get out of my way, no, out of my state. Your car was manufactured with a gas pedal. Find it and get the hell moving.
1a)It's called a turn signal. Sometimes we call it a blinker so that you know what fucking part of the car we're talking about. Turn on your blinker, and get into the left hand lane if you want to turn left- there is no reason other that having cateracs in both eyes to turn left from one of the middle lanes. This applies for right turns as well. I would even take one of you "got my license from a box of Captain Crunch" assholes yelling "STRAW FOOT" out the window.
2) When the light turns green, go. Save the fucking reverend pause for church, which is where I'm getting ready to send you, but in a box. Red lights are not the time to be searching in the passenger seat for a phone number so you can also talk while driving. Unless you have a toddler in the car, point your head toward the front of your vehicle.
3) Don't talk on the phone while driving unless you're on the damn freeway. If you're negotiating turns in downtown Louisville while on the phone, I will do my best to hit you and make it your fault. This ain't a Christian attitude, but I don't believe I've read "lack of road rage" in the Beatitudes, so kiss my ass and get off the phone.
4) I'm glad your car has a loud radio. Let your friends hear it in the West End, but turn that goddamn BOOMBOOMBOOM the fuck down around me, or I will continue to spit on your car.
If you worked as hard as being a good father as you do on trying to be cool, my, what a family you would have.
5) Dear lazy, talkative co-worker. Shut your mouth and help a customer. We're all replaceable, so stop acting like the doors would have to close if you weren't around. Quit dismissing others around you and wondering why no one wants to talk to you.And please, whatever you do, do not even attempt to make fun of me, or talk about me to others, for I am smarter than you, and I'm smarter ass than you. I will win, and it will hurt.
I have many other things, but my shoes seem to be on fire...
7 comments:
So how's that not-drinking going?
FUCKING PEACHY!
Your shoes are on fire? How very Ted of you. Did DB start hitting on you?
On the bright side, drink Miller Lite (it's not really beer anyway).
I'm confused...
How is drinking Miller Lite the bright side?
Well, Mikey-T came over last night, so I bought and had beer. I was sleepy after the sixth one, so I stopped drinking and sat and watched the first episode of Firefly.
Ted- I realize the first episode is called Serenity, but so is the movie, and I didn't want to confuse you particulars-minded like folks.
If you didn't want to confuse me, why did you stop drinking? Now I don't have anything to believe in.
Well, I've tried to be on the wagon these last couple of days, but people come over and want beer. I realize that I have the right to refuse people; it's the ability that I lack.
I had seven last night, but woke up fine. I think it's the 3 gallons of water I drank yesterday.
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