First, a disclaimer: the bottle said "don't operate heavy equipment." There was no mention of ,"do not operate wood stove to capacity while on this medication if you also have 6 or more beers."
Well let's just say that hair on the back of your hands is overrated. I wouldn't suggest the burnt fingernail unless you're have a Hitler party at your house and just want it to be Dachau-rific.
It was still a good ending to celebrating the birth of our Lord all day by stuffing ourselves full of ham and potato(e) salad. Nothings says "I love Christmas" more than getting fat.
Two of my cousins came over with their significant others, and we had a good time not forcibly being nice to others. When my brother Darrell showed up it was SRO, but warm as hell. 38 outside, 78 at the rudder.
We discussed all the important stuff like women who's nipples point in different directions, and what really makes us fart, and how hard you have to hit someone to knock them out. None of that fake shit like homeless people or global warming or world starvation.
Since we had enough for a quorum, it is now decreed at the PBR that:
Fuck China- they're still communist, short and yellow.
Fuck Hoosiers- they're idiots, and too close to us. We did recognize their contribution of not letting Kentucky slide into Tennessee by sucking so bad.
Fuck the Republican party- Don't forget that the thrice divorced Newt Gingrich started the "righteous rebellion" against open democracy and pushed the country toward our parliamentary system.
Fuck Ohio- Why couldn't they have been like their sister, Indiana?
Fuck cheep beer- yes, it got us through our teens and college, but we don't have to drink it again until we retire, and since social security won't be there when we're old, we won't have to worry about that!
Hooray for boobs- We're talking women's, not the hairy man tits that are shown in the travel mags about nude beaches in Europe.
Hooray strip clubs, but fuck the new no-touch ordinance.
5 comments:
Uhh, the Chinese aren't short. That's the Japanese. I say fuck 'em both.
Here, here. Well put, Doc.
But I do like Japanese electronics. That's why they're the 51st state. Fuck Puerto Rico while were at it - playing both sides; become a state already. Hell, we'll de-list West (can't find a) Virgin-ia and Mistakeasippi just to make room. Anyway, don't they know all good Americans speak American?
I say Dr. Ted becomes the offical Surgeon General of the PBR.
Unless he decides that alcohol consumption and cigar smoking is bad for your health. Health don't go 'round here, Health Dog.
Reverend. The PB Republic is possibly the most unhealthy country in the world (if we don't take Russia into account- Heil Putin).
Well gentlemen, if we look at the statistics:
The PBR had ZERO mortality in the past year. I'd say that's pretty healthy. We also had no incidence of leading health issues Coronary Artery Disease, Cancer, or Pneumonia. We had ZERO infant mortality, as well as no perinatal deaths (either fetal or maternal). No pregnant woman in the PBR went without childcare. Health screening is at very favorable levels, with 100% of citizens polled reporting awareness of age- and gender-appropriate health issues and an intention to seek professional screening after the next beer.
Speaking of beer, alcohol consumption (shown to be healthy in moderation) is well above accepted minimums. Many citizens exercise regularly, particularly in the form of the national sport of "coon chasing". Other members of the citizenry report "running" and training for formal events in this discipline.
Infectious disease is down, particularly since KAI got that penicillin shot.
In all, the health of the PBR is well above that of most industrialized nations. The Surgeon General's office recommends several rounds be raised in celebration of this fact.
DRINK
The surgeon degenerate has spoken!
Trink, trink, bruederlein trink...
Post a Comment