For all those playing "how's andy hurt- the home game"

As I was putting the last layer of tar over some nail heads, it started to drizzle, but I don't care. The fucking job is done.

I used all three rolls of shingle, and one of roofing felt. 500 nails, 8 pieces of plywood, and 6 2x4s later, it's done.

Injury report:

two knuckles hit with the hammer, a gigantic bruise on me leg from when the plywood fell on my thigh, one inadvertent head-butt of a 2x4, and three cut fingers, the last of which occurred when I was finished with the job and was taking tools off the roof (machined metal is sharp). This is beside the fact that I put my leg up to the knee through the roof while stripping the rotted parts.

Note to those out there unaccustomed to work- don't use fingernail brush on finger with busted skin from a hammer blow. Ouch.

You all should have been here. The level of profanity alone would have been worth the trip.

Hey Dipshit- Where do you work again

I was reading about the test flight of the Ares X1 rocket today. The interviews were about some of the hassles of stacking a rocket that's 327 feet tall, and how they had to find ways to transport large sections from all over the country. Then I got to the last line of the interview, where a NASA OFFICIAL said, and this pains me, "It's really unprecedented for NASA, building a rocket this big."

Except for the ten year long Saturn project that launched 12 Saturn Vs, each of which stood 363 feet tall, and weighed over 6 million pounds.
DOH!

You work at NASA, right? Did they hire you last week right out of Lived Under a Rock University?
I'm pretty sure that if I worked for an agency or company that was responsible for mankind's crowning achievement, I'd kinda tuck that into my "don't forget me" folder.

But that's just me.

bickety-bam, the motherfucker's rubble

The slumlord came into the store today, and by happenstance we got onto the topic of t-shirts. He told me of a place here locally to get shirts for the PBR. This shall be done next week while I'm on vacation.
Speaking of that, I may not be electronically available for a while unless I head over to the Wolf's.

I'm sure there will be some interesting stories about next week, as I'm replacing the roof over the back porch and downstairs bathroom. No-0ne can hurt andy the way andy can hurt andy.

In other news:
If the bitch seems a little off her rocker on the first date, run away. I had a nice loud "conversation" over the phone today. I don't think I've used the phrase "clingy, controlling bitch" in a while. It was good to dust that one off.

You don't know her, and I haven't spoken of her before, as I wanted to see where this one was going before mentioning anything. Turns out it went right into the toilet.
Who doesn't like strip clubs?
She don't.

Gouge out my eyes!

I went to k and wal marts last night searching for t-shirts that I can get screen printed for the PBR. All I could find was pocketed tees.
Look around this corner- BAM! There was a pack of underwear with a model on the front with his fucking junk sticking so far out that it almost poked me in the face.
On the other side of the display- BAM! A pack of banana hammoks that had a picture of a white and a black guy on it. I didn't even know that fruit of the loom was into mixed race underwear fetishes.
Everywhere I looked were packages of guys packages. Why were they all at my eye level?
Calgon take me away!

I don't like how this is going

Since Cousin Luke's hand was bruised, he didn't bowl. Being the trooper he is he did come and drink beer while watching Camper Dan take me two games to one. Who knew you have to hit the head pin?
Oh well, the beer was cold and the conversation was standard D&F jokes.

Finished the day with a fuego shooting the breeze with Fireplug.
Not a bad day.

I'm sure your breath smells nice

I almost hit a jackass drunk fucking hobo that stopped and then started to cross the exit of the parking lot. I came to a stop, and his red eyes were trying to stare at me.

When he turned his head forward again, I honked the horn and made him jump out of his skin.

Dude, don't try to play asshole with me, as I will quickly turn it into a game of Fuck you. I will win, and you'll still be sucking mouthwash in order to get drunk.

Sigh. We knew this day would come.

Cousin Luke handed me my ass today bowling. He took the first two games, each by twenty to thirty pins, this despite the fact that his ball and the head pin are at odds and don't like to meet. I did get the third game, but that was just a bonus as he had the day wrapped up.
In the series stands at me being two to one over the last three Sundays.
I'm really liking this Sunday league we have. I wish the rest of you jackasses could join us some time.
The reason he took me today is that we are both getting back to our usual averages, in which he pretty well always beat me when we played league, but now we don't have all the other league BS to deal with. Just grip it and rip it. The bar is still stocked, and you don't have to deal with others getting in your damn way.

There were a couple of cuties in other lanes, and some fat mother fuckers to boot. After all, it is a bowling alley.

There's always next week.

Operation Weight Gain

OWG is no doing very well. I've been eating the shit out of some food and have only gained a pound and a half. This on top of the beer I drink, and one would think that I would be huge.
I have decided to take drastic measures. I went to McDonald's, and am current shoving a sausage bisquit and a chicken busquit into my mawl and washing it down with a couple containers of milk.

I will keep you posted as to my success.