Let's Start a Riot, a Riot.

Five days of riots because some of our military men burned a bunch of trash, and in that trash were some Kurans, or Qurans, or whatever.
Last week I had to go pay my water bill because I would've been too late to mail it, and I don't have Internet access at home. While standing in line I was watching the TV they have on the wall that was airing CNN. It was on this day that the world learned of the burning of said books, and the riots that had just started. While in line I shook my head and exclaimed rather loudly, "Christ, people, it's just a goddamn book. Was it the last one? No? Then you can print more."
I'm kind of tired of mother fuckers seeking things to be offended about. I don't care if it's the Fox news crowd bitching about a so-called war on christianity or slummy assholes acting like slummy assholes and getting up in arms about someone pointing out that very fact.
How many of those rioting fuckheads in Awfuckitstan have full bellies? How many of them have solid rooves over their heads? How many of them could name the 10 commandments if asked, even though they're in this "holy book?" If they can't say yes to two out of three of these, then you have more shit to worry about than if somebody burns a book, especially considering that most of them would wipe their asses with a christian bible.
How many people have been killed over this bullshit? How many more will die because none of them can remember that thou shalt not kill?
It's a fucking book; that's all.Same as the christian bible. It's printed words on a page. If I burn an O.E.D., is Garrison Keillor going to issue a fatwa against me?
I think I'm going to call a press conference, and burn a bible, kuran, American flag, Afghan flag, a bikini and a burka. I'll top it off by throwing a John Deere hat, rainbow boa and a afro-covered basketball just so that everyone can get offended and then get on with life.

Goddamnit, how dumb are these mother fuckers?

I was working with a prof. at the local secondary high school here in the Ville that has two readings packets. He initially had titled them "Prof. Spunknugget's Hand Outs." Since that was not correct because we sell them on the shelves, and I didn't want to confuse the little mouth breathers from the get-go, I changed the title to "Developmental Writing I&II."
Shit- I'm leaving a huge piece of information out here. These two classes are Developmental Writing, as in, PRE-ENGLISH-ENGLISH-CLASSES. Not smart enough to get into college? Don't worry; for a mere 3 grand of tax dollar funded financial aid, we'll teach you the English that you should've been learning in the previous 12(or 13 or 14)years of tax payer funded school. Then you too can read and write three years below your age level.
O.K., so Professor Dickinhand doesn't like Developmental Writing on the cover because he doesn't want anyone in his class to feel shame. Whatever. I suggested new titles for his packs, thinking that they would instill a sense of ownership of the student over their education. Because they have to take 090 and then 091, I suggested "Strategies for Success in Composition," and "Continuing Success in Composition." Sweet, right? Well, it turns out to be not so much.
Here's the copy from Prof D's last email:

"Logical, but I would prefer a completely different name for one of them. Later. It is a small matter, but I also would prefer a shorter title."

Shorter? Your students need to read a shorter title? Do I have to learn to phonetically spell grunt noises? Moses in a moshpit, are these people really that dumb? Fuck it; I have your two new titles. "Quest for Fire" and "Clan of the Cave Bear." Eat a slow roasted cock with ass juice, mother fucker. I'm done teaching kindergarten.

It's easy- you just don't lead 'em so much

I got my first confirmed raccoon kill last night. It was in the crotch of the elm tree, and when I turned the flashlight on him, he turned as he got inquisitive and sat there looking at me.
You know how their eyes glow when the light is shined on them? Well, they make great targets. He fell like a turkey dropped from a helicopter onto the ground, bleeding from the head. Anyone want a coon-skin cap?
I don't think I'm going to have anymore raccoon troubles.
"Where's Rocky?" "He ain't commin'."
So to recap, that's 18 oppossum, and 1 raccoon. I'm fine with nature as long as it doesn't come near the house.