I'd hate to see the way you drive

Now, I don't know about you, but I find myself getting very fed up with assholes that speak very slowly on the phone. I got a call from someone the other day at work, and it was someone from one of our stores calling me. This gentleman proceeded to speak like he was in stroke therapy.
I had stopped listening since it was too hard to pay attention to what he was saying. I remember thinking, "Mother fucker, you called me- don't you know what you wanted to say?"
Making the requisite 'speed up' motion of rotating my hand toward the phone, I was nearing the counter at Whiteys. When I made it up to the cashier, I had had enough. In the middle of his next sentence I blurted out, "I'm getting ready to order lunch. I gotta go," and hung up on him.
I did it in the same way you would say, "Get off my porch, dickhead, or the only thing you're gonna witness is your ass gettin' whipped."
Not planning on getting into a long conversation? Then spit it out! Are you talking slowly because you're trying to do three things at once? Call back when you're down to one.
I enjoy talking on the phone to people I can't see every day; I don't like having to be on the phone because people can't feel for the hair and pull their heads out of their assess, and especially if it's for work.
The thing about work calls that irks me a bit more is when people call me and then say, "hold on" so they can finish other business before they return to the phone call that THEY placed. Were you surprised that I answered my phone? When it makes that funny noise and vibrates (and didn't come from your mom's sock drawer), that's the clue to answer it. That's what I do!

If I haven't seen you in a while and I like you (fat chance), then let's talk. Otherwise speak your piece and hang the fuck up.